Tuesday, 8 November 2011

Meet the novices II - Br Jacek Bargielski

My name is Jacek and I come from the region surrounding Tricity, Poland. “Lord, you enticed me, and I have let myself be enticed” (Jr 20,7) - these words can fully summarize the story of my vocation. I`ve experienced a lot in my life; I had good studies, a good job and great relationships. Our Father in heaven started calling me determinedly six years ago. Mary, the mother of his Son was deeply involved. He wanted to have me very close to Him; he wanted a more intimate relationship with me. He was showing me how strong His love is for me, how precious I am for Him. I am still discovering it every day and I am still more and more amazed by it. He exceeded every limit I made for him in my mind, every expectation. He started becoming more and more important in my life and everything else started losing its value in my eyes. Then he started saying that he wanted me only for Himself, that he wanted me to become a religious and pointed many times to the Carmelites. He was still saying that Carmel is the place which he has prepared for me, where his will related to me, his dreams for me, will be fulfilled, where my way to Him lies. How? Through all “communication channels” God most often uses in our lives:

1.   through parts of scripture that affect me deeply,

2.  through his visible mediators, representatives of his Church, people who choose to follow him, people I met in the path of life,

3.  through many external situations in my life, even sickness,

4.  and especially during prayer in front of his Son in the Eucharistic form, through answers he was giving on all my questions, fears and doubts, through longings he put in my heart and mind (Jr 29,12-13; Ps 91,15).

I cannot deny that it is very difficult to describe my discernment of the Divine will for my life, my vocation and the way forward in my dialogue with God during my prayer and my life, especially in such a short article. It is personal, not the same for any two people. There were many moments when I had doubts, many moments of struggle. I asked him so many times to confirm once again his call and in these moments he was very patient giving confirmations again and again just as he did for Gideon (Jg 6,36-40) because he “knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust” (Ps 103,14). At the beginning I wasn’t happy with what he was asking of me as it meant many sacrifices. So many times I resisted it but he persisted strongly, did not want to give up on me and had an answer or solution to every one of my arguments, questions, doubts and every one of my fears. He knew how to be convincing, how to captivate me, charm me. So I came here, to Carmel, to him. I am here because that’s how I recognize His will at this moment of my life but I still have to discern it. This process is permanent in which I ask him for his spirit (Phil 2,13), to enlighten my mind. Now I climb the narrow path (Mt 7,14) with my brothers to the summit of Mount Carmel. The strength to do so we gain from God, from the Eucharist (J 6,53-58). I am sure of the truth of Jesus words: “You did not choose me, I chose you” (J 15,16).

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